Sometimes, all I can do is pay attention. I have tried to understand, to see the entire landscape first, to be strong by knowing everything. Impossible. The more I learn the less I know; the smaller I am. This is frightening. And I am so tired of being afraid. Then I am stunned by the beauty and power of so much life. Life just doesn’t wait for me to know.
16 x 36 oil on canvas; born 1.12.2011
Like a sweet-apple turning red on the tip of the topmost branch. Forgotten by pickers. Not forgotten—they couldn’t reach it. Sappho
Mindful of a world that cannot exist
Full of myth that does not heal
Awake beneath this ocean of glass
I dream of the way to break free
You can’t see, but I was watching a fish swimming just beneath the ice here. I couldn’t tell if it was sluggish because it was injured or because it’s better to move slowly in the presence of so much ice.
This is just about the way I feel right now. I can see it, but I just can’t seem to get next to the life I want. It’s okay. It’ll be that much sweeter when I finally do.